


Deadly Cycle

by glowystars325



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fluff, Infidelity, Knotting, M/M, Multi, Non-Consensual, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-29
Updated: 2015-03-22
Packaged: 2018-01-17 11:21:35
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 17,689
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1385770
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/glowystars325/pseuds/glowystars325
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Stuck in a deadly cycle, will Stiles be able to survive the pain?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [The Thin Wall](https://archiveofourown.org/works/663513) by [Tassos](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tassos/pseuds/Tassos). 



> This story does have trigger warnings. Be careful.  
> *Edit* Revamped! New ending and more to it!

Stiles unlocked the door to Derek's -no, now their - home. Derek asked him to move in with him and Stiles happily agreed. Everything was perfect: he was in love, had a mate who would do anything to make sure he was happy, and now he gets to move in with Derek.  
Stiles walked up the stairs, planning on surprising Derek. As he passed the guest bedroom, the noises he heard broke his heart.  
"Derek! Oh...... Fuck! Harder!" It was Erica's voice that was moaning.  
Stiles ran into the master bedroom and shut the door. He kicked his shoes off before climbing on the bed, cocooning himself in the red duvet. Curling in on himself, Stiles started to sob. He couldn't believe that Derek was cheating on him.  
 _Am I not good enough? Kept running through his mind as tears streamed down his face. An hour or so later, Stiles finally cried himself to sleep. ___

~  
After Erica left, Derek headed to the bathroom to take a cleansing shower. He finished quickly and walked to his bedroom, holding up the fluffy green towel around his tan waist. When he opened the door, he smiled when he saw his mate sleeping peacefully. He quickly got dressed into a cozy pair of sweats and a well worn Henley before going to wake Stiles up. He had so much that he wanted to tell him, and wanted to hear Stiles's voice.  
He kneeled down by Stiles. He gently kissed him as his hands pulled him from his slumber. Derek smiled when Stiles opened his eyes, not noticing the dried tears.  
"Wake up. I didn't know that you were coming today," Derek said.  
"I thought that I would surprise you. Can we talk?" Stiles asked.  
"You can have whatever you want. We can talk over dinner. Take out okay?" Stiles nodded and Derek left to go order the food.  
Thirty minutes later, Derek and Stiles were sitting at the table eating. Derek told him about how he got the job he applied for. He was working as a mechanic at the shop Stiles always takes his jeep to.  
"So what did you want to talk about?" Derek asked.  
"Why was Erica here today?" Stiles asked trying to keep his voice from cracking.  
"She went into heat. I was helping her through it." Derek said it like it was nothing.  
"Helping as in sex?"  
"Yeah. I always help Erica and Isaac out during their heats."  
"Isaac too? How long has this been happening for?"  
"Three years," Derek replied bluntly as he took a bite out of his fried rice.  
"We've been dating for two years!" Stiles's voice started to rise.  
"So? Why are you so upset about it?"  
"I'm your mate and you are screwing two other people!"  
"And?"  
"And?! And I want it to stop. You are supposed to be mine."  
"I am yours and you're mine."  
"Then will you please stop screwing them?"  
"No," Derek's voice was stern and angry.  
"But-"  
"No buts. I help them through their heats. I did it before you and I will do it after you. If you don't like it, then leave. It's not going to change."  
"Der-"  
"No! This conversation is over! Understand?" Derek's eyes flashed red. Stiles nodded.  
"I'm tired. I think that I'm just going to go to bed."  
"I'll come with. I've missed you," Derek pulled Stiles out of his chair and nuzzled into his neck. Derek picked Stiles up bridal style and carried him up to their room.  
He wrapped his arms around Stiles, pulling him close, as they laid in their bed. Derek was glad that Stiles understood that he needed to help his pack out.


	2. Chapter 2

Stiles's life became one horrible cycle. Once a month, Erica and Isaac would show up at their house and Derek took them up to the guest room to fuck them. Stiles would hide in his room and cry as the pair's moans carried down the hallway.

It hurt him so much, knowing that he wasn't good enough. His heart broke a little more with each and every gasping moan echoing in his head. Derek may as well have taken a sledgehammer to his heart. Besides, that would’ve hurt less. He fell farther into darkness each time one of them showed up at his door. He cried the entire time. Derek remained blissfully ignorant.

Whenever Derek finished and showered, he would always make love to Stiles. It seemed to be the only time it would happen. Between Derek's job, the pack, classes, and everything else, he only got a few hours of Derek focusing on just him.

Today just wasn’t one of those days. The entire pack was over for a movie night. Stiles was in charge of making the food. He decided to make some of the polish dishes his mother always used to make for them: golabki, pierogi and suròwka. It took him awhile, but it would be worth it. 

Whenever Stiles cooked any polish foods, he felt as if his mother was with him in the kitchen. Derek walked into the room and placed a kiss on Stiles's cheek as his arms wrapped around the smaller man's waist, "You do know that Erica is going to pitch a fit."

"She can get over it. Next time she can cook."

"Okay babe. The pups will be here soon and you know how they get when they're hungry."

"Yes, they demand that mom feeds them and give dad s headache."

Derek chuckled, "You have that's right. Let's not give me a headache tonight and I can give my mate a very nice treat."

Stiles felt Derek ground up against him, "Can't wait. Go set the table."

Derek kissed him softly before grabbing the plates and silverware. Erica burst into the house and walked into the kitchen, "What the fuck is that awful smell? Is Stiles cooking again? Can't we just order pizza? His cooking is horrible. Please Derek? You know I hate cabbage."

_Say 'no' Derek. Stand up for me. You know why I cook this stuff. _Stiles mentally urged his mate to tell Erica off. Derek sighed and looked at Stiles, "You really are the only one that really likes polish food. Order the pizzas Erica."__

__Stiles sighed and shrugged Derek off of him. Stiles placed the golabki into some Tupperware for his dad and set aside two of the pierogi for himself before he stormed upstairs. _Of course Derek wouldn't defend me. Pack first, Stiles last. Stiles knew he was being overly bitter, but it hurt. _____

____Derek knocked on their door before walking in to the room. He saw Stiles curled up on the bed and sat down by him, "I told Erica that she couldn't order the pizzas. We're eating what you made us. I didn't know it would upset you so much. I'm sorry love."_ _ _ _

____Stiles turned around and looked at the werewolf, "Thank you."_ _ _ _

____Derek smiled softly at Stiles before leaning in and kissing him, "You know, we do have a little bit more time before the rest of the pack shows up."_ _ _ _

____"We don't have enough time for sex Derek," Stiles laughed and kissed Derek deeper._ _ _ _

____The wolf began to kiss and suck on his mate's neck, hands wandering down and working themselves up the shirt Stiles was wearing. They were interrupted by the fire alarm going off. Derek pulled away from Stiles and sprinted down the staircase to the kitchen with Stiles on his heels._ _ _ _

____The microwave was on fire and Derek quickly grabbed the fire extinguisher and put the flames out. Stiles grabbed the alarm and turned it off before replacing it._ _ _ _

____Derek opened the burnt ruined microwave and saw the leftover pizza from their fridge on top of a piece of tin foil. Stiles glared at Erica, "Are you a fuckimh idiot? You don't put foil in a microwave! What the fuck?!"_ _ _ _

____Derek was shaking violently and Stiles wrapped his arms around the wolf and held him tightly, "It's okay Der. The fire's out. No one's hurt."_ _ _ _

____Derek turned around and buried his head in his mate's shoulder.Stiles continued to glare at Erica, "You should go. While you're gone, buy us a new microwave while you're at it."_ _ _ _

____Stiles sent a quick text to the pack saying that the meeting was canceled before leading Derek back to their room and tucking him into the bed. Stiles kissed his forehead and darted down to the kitchen and made them each a plate of food and taking them back up to Derek._ _ _ _

____Stiles sat down next to Derek and helped him sit up, "You need to eat," Derek mindlessly took the fork and ate his meal in silence as Stiles did the same._ _ _ _

____After they finished eating, Stiles soothed the wolf to sleep like a child and snuck back to the kitchen. He unplugged the ruined chunk of metal and carried it out to the trash.  
Once he was back inside, he grabbed the "werewolf friendly" cleaners and cleaned up the remaining mess. Stiles also turned on the wax warmer to help chase out the smell of smoke after he opened the windows._ _ _ _

____Once everything was cleaned up enough, Stiles closed the window and turned the warmer off and rushed back upstairs. He didn't want Derek to wake up alone after a scare like that. As he walked into the room, Derek let out a pitiful whimper and Stiles rushed to sooth him, "It's okay Derek. Everything is okay. Everyone is safe."  
Stiles climbed into bed and held Derek as he slept, warding off any nightmares that threatened to hurt his mate. Eventually, Stiles drifted off to sleep with the warmth of his werewolf boyfriend in his arms._ _ _ _

____The next morning came and Stiles and Derek went downstairs. Derek notice the distinct lack of smoke smell and saw that the microwave was gone. Derek wrapped his arms around Stiles tightly and nuzzled into his neck, "Thank you."_ _ _ _

____Stiles only nodded in response and rubbed Derek's back. It took them two weeks to replace the microwave._ _ _ _

____ _ _

____~_ _ _ _

____ _ _

_____A month passed since that failed pack night and Erica showed up at their door. She just gone into heat. Only this time, she brought Boyd with her. Derek lead both of them up to the guest room. He kissed Stiles lightly on the lips before going into the room.  
Tears started to fall down his face right as the door shut. He walked to the bathroom, locked the door, and pulled out the razor blade he hid there.   
Stiles stared at his unscarred body. He hadn't cut yet, barely hanging on. He knew that Derek would see the scars and smell the blood. Derek would be so angry if he found out._ _ _

____"I'm worthless. What do I really have to offer? Derek obviously doesn't think that I'm enough for him. He even invited Boyd to join in! I'm pathetic! I can't even keep my boyfriend happy enough so he won't cheat on me," Stiles muttered to himself as he gripped the blade in his hand tightly. He gasped and dropped the blade when it dug into his palm._ _ _ _

____"Shit!" Stiles thought. He quickly cleaned the wound, bandaged it, and replaced the blade.  
Still crying, Stiles walked to his room and got into his pyjamas. He crawled into the bed and softly cried himself to sleep._ _ _ _

____ _ _

____~_ _ _ _

____ _ _

____Derek walk into his room and saw Stiles sleeping. Normally Stiles waited for him to be done before he went to sleep. He climbed into the bed and started to kiss Stiles awake._ _ _ _

____Slowly Stiles's eyes started to open and he looked at Derek. Smiling, Derek bent down to kiss Stiles. He soon was nibbling on his mate's lower lip, begging for entrance._ _ _ _

____Stiles pulled away, "Not tonight. I'm too tired."_ _ _ _

____Derek was shocked. Stiles never denied him. "Really? But we always have sex afterwards."_ _ _ _

____"I'm sorry. I just want to go back to sleep. Good night. Love you."_ _ _ _

____Derek's wolf whined. It wanted their mate. Derek sighed -- turning away from Stiles-- he was angry that Stiles didn't want him, but mainly he was just hurt._ _ _ _

____Stiles was waiting for Derek to say goodnight to him as he held Stiles in his arms and kissed his forehead. Stiles bit his lip as he thought, Maybe he's mad at me. Maybe he won't tell me that he loves me. Maybe he'll leave me…_ _ _ _

____"Derek?" Stiles asked softly._ _ _ _

____"What?" Derek replied, the annoyance clear in his voice. He turned around to face Stiles._ _ _ _

____"Are you okay?"_ _ _ _

____"Fine. Go to sleep. That's what you asked for," Derek said shortly before turning away. Stiles fought back the tears springing to his eyes at Derek's actions._ _ _ _

____Neither of them slept well that night to say the least._ _ _ _

____ _ _

____~_ _ _ _

____ _ _

____When Stiles woke up, he noticed that Derek was gone and the side of his bed was cold. He got out of the bed and walked downstairs._ _ _ _

____"Derek? Where are you?" Stiles called out as he wandered around looking for him. When he got to the kitchen, he saw that Derek left a note for him._ _ _ _

____Isaac went into heat and asked me to come over and help. I'll see you tomorrow.  
D._ _ _ _

____Stiles crushed the note in his hand. Tears were streaming down his sunken sullen face. He felt more hollow than an Easter egg after the candy had been removed and just as much forgotten. Above all that, he felt broken. He was broken._ _ _ _

_____First he let's Boyd join in. Then he doesn't want to hold me. He didn't even say he loved me last night. Now he left to meet with Isaac and didn't even tell me goodbye. _Stiles started to cry harder and without abandon. I'll never be good enough for him. I'm pathetic. I really just want to die.__ _ _ _ _

______Stiles instantly froze, tears stopped falling, arms stopped shaking, lips no longer quivering. Did he really just think that he wanted to die? How had he fallen so far? He was stunned. _Not like anyone would care. I'm completely worthless. Derek doesn't care anymore. He could be with Erica and have kids. Hell, Isaac is even better than me. Why would Derek ever want to be stuck with me? I'm just an annoying spastic burden.__ _ _ _ _ _

________Stiles thought back to the razor blade as he absentmindedly ran his fingers over the cut on his palm. He mindlessly walked to where he hid the blade. Once it was in his hands, he slid down onto the tiled floor. Pulling his pants and boxers down, Stiles dragged the blade over the pale skin of his thighs. Tiny beads of blood came from the cut and started to clump together and dry. Stiles felt some of the misery that has been haunting him slip away. So, he did it again and again and again. When he was done, he had 5 fresh cuts on his leg._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Stiles quickly cleaned up the blood and rehid the blade. As he pulled up his boxers and pants, he hissed at the pain. "I deserve it," Stiles mumbled as he left the bathroom.  
He numbly walked to the bedroom and climbed back into the bed. He didn't want to do anything other than cry. _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________ _ _ _ _ _ _

________~_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________ _ _ _ _ _ _

________The next day came and left. Derek still wasn't home. Stiles was a wreck. His thighs were now littered with fresh cuts. It was one in the morning and Stiles was holding the blade to the unmarked skin of his wrist. His phone beeped when he received a text message._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________Isaac's still in heat. I have to go away for a week after that. Pack stuff. See you in 8 or 9 days. -D  
Stay safe. I love you. -S   
K -D_ _ _ _ _ _ _

________Stiles dropped his phone and cried. He dug the blade deep into his wrist and pulled. He continued to cut his forearm until he ran out of room. He put the blade away and cleaned his arm, tears still pouring down his face. He walked back to his room and crawled into bed._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_________He doesn't love me anymore. He's going to leave me. He's already avoiding me. I should just kill myself before he gets back. He won't have to deal with me anymore or have to try and break up with me. _Stiles drifted off into a restless sleep.__ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________~_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________When Stiles awoke at noon the next day and quickly scrambled for his phone. His heart broke a little more when he saw that there was no notifications at all. Derek hadn't tried to talk to him._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________Stiles dragged himself to the bathroom and pulled out the razor blade and dragged it across his wrist. Once, twice, ten, twenty times. His forearm was covered in shallow long cuts. The broken man watched the blood fall from his wrist to the floor and did nothing to stop it until he began to feel dizzy. He wrapped up his arm and walked back  
to his room and crashed down on the bed crying._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

__________It was the same with the next day and the day after and the next three days after that. On the last day Stiles had enough. He cleaned up the blood and any smells it could've left. He was numb. He was past the point of feeling pain and he was done. He wouldn't do this anymore. He couldn't do this anymore.  
He walked into the garage mindlessly and grabbed the ant killer. He took it back inside and poured himself a glass of orange juice. He opened the poison and poured some of the powder into the glass. He waited for it to dissolve as he stirred it. Once it was mostly gone, he downed the glass, trying to choke at the horrid taste. He put the empty glass in the dishwasher and put the poison away before going back upstairs to his bed. All he had to do now was wait._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _


	3. Chapter 3

The next morning, Stiles felt like Hell. He was shaky and couldn't stop throwing up. He flushed the toilet and tried to get the taste of bile out of his mouth. He crawled back into bed. His phone started ringing. 

He looked at the caller ID and smiled when he saw Derek's name. "Hello?"

"Hi Stiles. Thought I should call you. Check in and see how you're doing."

"Crappy," Stiles croaked out.

"Why?"

"I've been throwing up and feel like Hell."

"I'm sorry love. I hope you feel better. I can try to get back in a few days. Then I can take care of you." Stiles's heart warmed. Derek still cares.

"What are you doing anyway?" 

"I'm just renewing a treaty with another pack."

"Isn't that more important though?"

"Nothing is more important than you. They'll understand. My mate needs me. I'll try to be back in two days."

"Okay. I love you."

"I love you too." Derek ended the call and Stiles actually started to feel happier. He fell asleep and slept relatively well, despite having to get up to throw up several times.

 

~

 

Derek was able to finish everything earlier than he thought. The Alpha of the pack agreed to stay with the old contract and let him leave to take care of his mate. It was 3 o'clock in the afternoon when he pulled up into the driveway. When he walked into the house, he was hit by the strong smell of disinfectant.  
Stiles was cleaning the counters in the kitchen. Derek rolled his eyes, only Stiles would clean when he was sick. He wrapped his arms around his mate and nuzzled into his neck. 

"You're back early!" Stiles smiled as he turned around and saw Derek.

"The Alpha let me leave earlier than I thought. How are you feeling? You look like death warmed over."

"A little-" Stile blanched and ran in front of the sink and threw up. Derek got him a glass of water then rubbed his back as Stiles was dry heaving.   
Stiles rinsed his mouth with the water then went to grab the cleaning wipes to clean the sink. Derek stopped Stiles by picking him up bridal style. "Oh, no you don't. You need to be in bed resting, not cleaning."

Stiles wrapped his arms around Derek's neck, nodding in agreement before burying his face in his shoulder. "I just didn't want you to have to smell it."

"I'll live. I want you to get better. Okay?" 

"M'kay," Derek laid Stiles on the bed and covered him before leaning down and kissing his forehead, "Love you Der."

"Love you too. Go to sleep," Derek walked out of the room and went to go take a shower.

His shower was interrupted by the sound of violent retching. Derek quickly rinsed off and wrapped a fluffy blue towel around his waist before running back to his room. Stiles was bent over the bed and throwing up into the trashcan. Derek pulled on a pair of sweats and rubbed Stiles's back. 

"Get it all out. You'll feel better." 

Stiles wiped of his mouth with a kleenex and started to shake violently. Derek was terrified and tried to calm Stiles down. He didn't know what was happening and held Stiles tightly in his arms until he stopped shaking. 

His mate was burning up and Derek grabbed a washcloth and ran it under some cool water and went back to the room and placed it over his forehead.

Stiles eventually fell asleep, but Derek was too worried to get any sleep that night. He pulled away from his arms, careful not to wake the younger man and pulled out his phone. He dialed Peter’s number and waited for his uncle to answer.

“Derek? Why are you calling this late?” Peter’s sleep-filled voice rang out, “It’s 11. What’s wrong?”

Derek sighed and in a barely shaky voice answered, “Nothing… I’m sorry for waking you. Go back to sleep.”

Peter knew Derek all too well and knew that “nothing” was something and something important. He sighed as he got up and shrugged on some clothes, “I’ll be there in 10   
minutes.”

“That’s not…. necessary,” Derek finished his sentence even though Peter had hung up the phone. Derek headed downstairs to wait for his uncle. 

Peter stormed into the house five minutes later and Derek arched an eyebrow in question, “I felt like driving fast. Now nephew, what’s wrong?”

Derek looked at the floor, “Stiles is really sick. He just started shaking uncontrollably. I couldn’t stop it. I’m… I’m scared Peter. What if he’s dying?”

Peter rubbed Derek’s back gently, “Is he upstairs?”

Derek nodded, “He finally fell asleep.”

Peter sat down next to Derek, “Then maybe you can answer my questions. Does Stiles have any history of seizures? It sound’s like he was having one.”

Derek shook his head, “No. Erica’s the only one with Epilepsy. It doesn’t effect her anymore. Are you sure?”

“Unfortunatly. It’s rare in adults, but does he have a high fever?”

Derek nodded and looked up at Peter with watery eyes, ”Yeah. 102.”

“That might be the cause then. The only other cause I could think of would be poison, but I doubt anyone is trying to kill Stiles,” Peter stood up, “Call me if anything gets   
worse. Try and get some sleep. You can’t help Stiles if you’re half asleep.”

Stiles remained sick for two weeks. Derek wanted Stiles to see a doctor, but he refused. He couldn't tell Derek that he tried to kill himself. Derek was taking care of him when he wasn't working. Derek still didn't know about the scars littering his body. How he hasn't noticed, Stiles didn't know. He was just happy that he wasn't caught. He didn't want to hurt Derek.

_Why did I think that he didn't love me? Maybe he'll even stop "helping" Erica and Isaac. _Stiles felt his heart fill with hope.__

__Since he was feeling better, Stiles decided that Derek deserved a nice dinner. He would take him out, but their three year anniversary was coming up in a few days. Stiles already got Derek a nice leather bound journal. He thought that Derek could use it to keep his thoughts straight._ _

__Stiles ran to the store and picked up a few steaks and potatoes. They had everything else that he would need. When Stiles got home, he started on the marinade for the steaks. While he was waiting, he started on the red velvet cake that he was going to make- it's Derek's favorite._ _

__

__~_ _

__

__Stiles just finished icing the cake when he noticed that Derek would be home in an hour and a half. He ran upstairs and quickly showered and changed. He put the steaks on to cook and the potatoes in the oven to bake._ _

__Everything was just about finished when Derek walked through the door. Stiles told him to sit down at the table._ _

__Stiles came into the room holding two plates- one with three large steaks piles on it. He set one down in front of Derek then sat across from him._ _

__"What's the occasion?" Derek asked._ _

__"I wanted to thank you for taking care of me."_ _

__"You didn't have to do this. You know that I'd do anything for you."_ _

__Hopefully Stiles thought. "I don't mind. I wanted to. I also made dessert." Derek smiled brightly and the two began to eat._ _

__Halfway through dinner, the doorbell rang. Derek stood up to go and answer it. Curious to see who it was, Stiles followed behind him. Stiles's face fell when he saw two  
figures in the doorway- Erica and Boyd. That could only mean that Erica was in heat again._ _

__"Derek? C-can I talk to you for a minute?" Stiles's asked softly._ _

__"Sure. What is it?"_ _

__"Can I talk to you alone? In the kitchen?" Derek nodded and followed Stiles._ _

__"What is it?"_ _

__"Do... Do you think that you could possibly not help Erica this time?" Stiles asked, scared of what the answer might be._ _

__"No. I always help her. Remember, pack first," Derek sounded a little annoyed._ _

__"I-I know. I was just hoping that you would possibly not help her today."_ _

__Derek shook his head no, "Sorry, pack comes first. We've had this conversation before. I told you that if you didn't like it, you could leave."_ _

__"But I worked so hard on this! Can't we at least finish our meal? Please? For me?" Stiles said the last part in a near whisper. He was completely terrified that Derek would  
reject him._ _

__"Sorry, it can't really wait. Go ahead and finish it. Would you put my plate in the fridge so I can eat it later?" Crushed, Stiles nodded and Derek left the room to go upstairs.  
I'd do anything for you my ass._ _

___Stiles just stood there for a long time listening to the loud moans. He didn't even realize that he was crying until a tear fell to his lip. Wiping the tears away, Stiles threw his  
food away and put Derek's plate in the fridge, just like he asked. He scrubbed at the dishes, trying to distract himself from the pain. It didn't work, Stiles cried the entire   
time. _

__When the dishes were cleaned, Stiles went to go take a shower, hoping that the sound of falling water would block out the sounds of their moans._ _

__The problem was, he'd have to walk past the guest bedroom. Stiles tried to quickly pass the door, trying to not listen to what was happening on the other side._ _

__Derek's rough voice growled lustfully, causing Stiles to freeze. "Fuck. You're so hot. Taking my cock like that. Such nice tits. Gonna look so good filled with my pups."_ _

__"Yes! Breed me! Need your knot, Alpha," Erica cried out._ _

__Boyd must have been doing something good because Derek soon cried out, "Fuck. Boyd. So good. Harder. More. You're so fucking hot."_ _

__That unfroze Stiles. He ran the rest of the way to the bathroom and turned the shower on as fast as he could. After shredding off his clothes he climbed into the shower, sat  
down, pulled his knees to his chest, and cried._ _

___I'll never be good enough. I'm ugly. Why would built-like-a-greek-god Derek want me, an annoying scrawny waste of space? One of these times he's going to get Erica pregnant and when that happens, he's going to leave me. He wants kids, his own kids. I can't give him that. ____ _

_____Boyd is even better than me. HE at least looks good. Derek obviously liked what he was doing. He's rarely that vocal with me. Way to go Stiles. Add awful in bed to your list of negatives. ____ _ _ _

_______Maybe that's why he keeps fucking them. I'm not good enough in bed so he fucks other people. I'm such a fuck up. I can't even make Derek satisfied.  
Why am I so worthless? I'll never be good enough. Derek's going to leave me. He'll probably wait until after our anniversary though. Or maybe he'll break up with me on our anniversary. ____ _ _ _ _ _

_________He didn't even want to spend dinner with me. Probably only ate the food because it's his favorite. I must have annoyed him so much that he was happy that Erica showed up. A perfect excuse to get away from me. ____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

___________I hate myself so God damn much. All I ever do is annoy everyone and get in their way. I'm so fucking worthless. I can't do anything right. Hell, I couldn't even kill myself right. Why couldn't I have died? I want to be dead. I just want all of this pain to end. Everyone would be happy if I was gone. ____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________When the water went cold, Stiles turned the shower off and mindlessly got into pajamas and crawled into bed. He didn't have the strength to do anything else._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________He wished that he could just go to sleep and never wake up, but he couldn't. Not with all of the thoughts running around in his head. He couldn't even cry anymore. Maybe I just cried too much. I have no tears left. All he did was stare at the wall._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________A few hours must have passed by without him knowing because Stiles's thoughts were interrupted by the sound of his door closing. Derek's done, Stiles thought bitterly. He didn't even make a move to look at Derek. He couldn't handle having to see him right now. He was just too hurt._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

____________"Stiles?" He didn't respond, "Thanks for dinner. It was really good. I also had a slice of the cake," Stiles still didn't answer, "I know that you must have worked really hard.  
I'm sorry that we didn't get to finish dinner."_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_____________Not likely, _Stiles thought.__ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________"I know you're mad, but can you please talk to me?"_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______________I'm not mad, just hurt. You don't want to be around me. _Stiles didn't respond.__ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________Derek climbed into the bed, "Will you at least look at me?"_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________Stiles turned even more onto his side, facing his whole body away from Derek._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________"You're really going to act like this? Giving me the silent treatment? That's really immature, even for you," Derek spat out angrily. Stiles bit his lip, trying to not cry. He still didn't respond._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________Derek got off of the bed, "You know, I wanted to come in here and have sex with my mate, but you're too busy acting like a child. Whatever. I'm sleeping in the guest bedroom."_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________Stiles finally spoke up. He softly asked, "Why?"_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________"Why?! Really? I don't want to be around you right now."_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________"Der," Stiles softly said._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________"Not now Stiles. I'm too mad at you right now. Maybe you can talk to me when you aren't being so immature and annoying," Derek said before walking out of the room and shutting the door harder than he needed to._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________Stiles pulled his knees to his chest and started bawling. Tears were flowing from his eyes in a constant stream. He tried to keep his sobs quiet, if only to keep from bothering Derek even more, but it was little use. He still choked on each one while all of his doubts about himself circled around in his mind. Going around and around as if they were on a Ferris wheel or a merry-go-round._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

________________It was much later when Stiles passed out from crying._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _


	4. Chapter 4

Stiles felt hurt, broken, betrayed, but most of all numb. He didn't have the energy to even try and get up to face the day.   
I have to talk to Derek, Stiles told himself as he found the will power to actually go downstairs. He sat on the couch as he waited for Derek to get out of the shower.  
When Derek finally came downstairs, he saw Stiles and went to go sit on the edge of the coffee table in front of where he was sitting. Stiles had one of his arms wrapped around his knees while the other held the photo album that was resting on his thighs.  
He was looking at the picture Lydia took of them while they weren't paying attention. Derek held him in his arms, Stiles's arms wrapped around his neck. They were both smiling and anyone could see the love in Derek's eyes.  
"That one's my favorite," Derek said softly.  
"It's mine too. I'm sorry," Stiles said with a shaky voice that didn't go unnoticed by Derek.  
"Hey, look at me," Derek said holding Stiles's chin up with one of his hands, "It's okay. I'm sorry too. I shouldn't have said what I did last night," a tear fell from Stiles's eyes and Derek gently wiped it away, "Please don't cry anymore. I'm so sorry that I made you cry last night. I should have been in there holding you through them instead of just listening to them. It broke my heart knowing that I made my mate cry," that only made Stiles cry more. "Come here," Derek said as he moved to the couch and pulled Stiles onto his lap, wrapping his arms around him.  
"I'm sorry," Stiles cried as he nuzzled into Derek's neck.  
"It's okay love. There's nothing to be sorry for," Derek said as he tried to sooth Stiles. After a few minutes, Stiles was able to stop crying and Derek wiped away all of the stray tears. Derek kissed Stiles softly on the lips before saying, "I love you so much. Please don't forget that."  
"I love you too."  
"Come on, I'll make us breakfast. How do pancakes sound?"  
"Perfect."  
"I don't have to go into work today. Is there anything you want to do?"  
"Can we just stay in bed and cuddle? I'm not really in the mood for sex though...."  
"That sounds perfect. We don't need to have sex if you aren't in the mood. You did only just get better yesterday."  
Stiles thought that he should tell Derek the truth about why he was sick, but he couldn't hurt him that way. So, he decided against it.  
~  
The next day, Stiles couldn't find the willpower to get out of bed. Derek came in to see if Stiles was awake.  
"Good morning love. Are you going to get out of bed today?" Stiles shook his head, "Are you feeling okay?"  
"No."  
Derek frowned slightly, "I'm sorry that you aren't feeling good. Do you need anything? I have to go into work today, so I can't stay home and take care of you. Do you want me to call one of the Betas to come over?"  
"No. I'll be okay on my own."  
"Okay. Do you need anything right now?"  
"No, I'm fine."  
"Okay. Call me if you change your mind about having a Beta over. I love you. Bye love," Derek said as he bent down to kiss Stiles's forehead then his lips, "I'll see you after work."  
"I love you too. Goodbye Der."


	5. Chapter 5

When Stiles woke up, he knew that he actually had to get out of bed today. At least I'll get Derek to myself today. He walked downstairs and into the kitchen. Derek was at the table, drinking a cup of coffee.  
"Good morning Der. Happy anniversary," Stiles said as he kissed Derek.  
"Good morning love. Happy anniversary."   
"So, what are our plans for today?"  
"Well, I have to go into work today. Then Isaac's heat should be starting soon, so I need to be home tonight. We can easily celebrate it tomorrow."  
"Oh... Okay," Stiles said feeling rejected, "I was kind of hoping that we could spend the day together."  
"I'm sorry. Maybe we can tomorrow. I have to go. See you later tonight," Derek said before leaving through the front door.  
I should've just stayed in bed. I wouldn't feel as worthless then. Stiles had tears running down his face when he turned around and went right back to bed. I can't do this anymore. I don't know what I'd do if Isaac comes over tonight. Maybe I should just leave.   
~  
Derek was only home for a few minutes before Isaac was ringing the doorbell. Stiles came downstairs to answer the door and smiled when he saw Derek. Isaac lunged at Derek when he saw him.  
"Please! I need you. Fuck! I need your knot now!" Isaac was kissing and sucking on Derek's neck. Chuckling, Derek picked Isaac up and carried him to the guest bedroom.  
Stiles was hurt beyond belief. He had to get out of there. Isaac's moans were already tormenting him, bouncing back and forth throughout his head. Stiles went to his room and grabbed two of the suitcases out of the closet. He threw a lot of his clothes into one bag before getting all of his hygiene things and adderall. He zipped up the full bag before starting to fill the other one. He grabbed one of Derek's shirts, he knew it was pathetic but he didn't want to lose all of him. He went downstairs and grabbed one of the photo albums filled with pictures of him and Derek. He grabbed the picture of his mother and another one of Derek and him. He placed all of the things carefully into the bag. He zipped it up and started to leave. He paused and grabbed Derek's present from his hiding place. He set the wrapped gift on the nightstand and left with his things.  
Stiles drove to his old home and parked his old jeep in the driveway. He unlocked the door and went up to his old room. He collapsed on the bed in a fit of tears, his body shaking from the gut wrenching sobs.  
When the Sheriff came home, he noticed his son's car in the driveway. When he got inside, he could hear Stiles sobbing. Concerned, he went up to check on Stiles. The sight that he saw his son in broke his heart. He sat down on the bed and pulled Stiles into his lap. He rubbed his back as he tried to coax out what happened.   
"We got in a fight. He doesn't care about me! He doesn't love me anymore!" Stiles wailed out through the sobs. The Sheriff didn't know what to say, do he just held him until he cried himself to sleep.  
~  
Derek sighed as he stepped into the shower. He felt bad that he didn't get to spend anytime with Stiles today. Hopefully Stiles will still be awake when he gets out and he can make it up to him then. He finished quickly and almost ran back to his bedroom. He opened the door and was shocked. Stiles wasn't there. He went to look downstairs, but still no Stiles.   
He walked back up to their room, his wolf whimpering at the fact that they couldn't find their mate. He opened the drawer where they both kept their sweats and pajama pants Derek grabbed one and quickly put them on. When he went to close it, he noticed that all of Stiles's were gone. Panicking, he opened the others and they were all the same way. He looked in the closet and even more clothes were gone along with two of the suitcases.  
"No! No no no no no! Please don't tell me that he left me!" Derek was crying. He ran to the bathroom and all of Stiles's things were gone in there too.   
Maybe he left a note downstairs. He ran down and noticed that pictures were missing. Derek was bawling at this point. His own mate left him. He grabbed his phone and called him, begging that he would pick up the phone. He sobbed when it went to voicemail. Ending the call, Derek slowly walked upstairs to his bedroom, looking completely defeated. Derek grabbed one of Stiles's remaining shirts and held it in his arms as he cried himself into a restless sleep.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to the very brilliant Mizixy for the idea that he/she gave me.

Stiles woke up, feeling exhausted and numb. He slowly crawled out of bed and went downstairs. His father was sitting at the table, drinking a cup of coffee. He pushed another cup towards Stiles.  
"So, I have to go to work. Are you going to be okay alone?," Stiles nodded, "Okay. Maybe you should call Derek and you two can try to talk things out."  
"I'll try."  
"Okay. I love you," he said before leaving.  
Stiles grabbed his phone and saw that Derek had called him last night. He quickly sent Derek a text.  
Come by my Dad's house. We need to talk. -S  
After that, he waited. Derek would show up eventually. He fought the need to cut. He couldn't do it right now, but maybe later.  
~  
It only took ten minutes for Derek to get there. He climbed through the window and started yelling the second he saw Stiles.  
"Why did you leave?! On our anniversary of all days too? What is wrong with you? Do you know how worried I was?"  
Stiles was crying softly, looking at his feet. Without looking up, he said softly, "You told me that I should leave."  
"When?"  
"When I first moved in and three days ago. You said that if I didn't like you helping Erica and Isaac then I could leave."  
"That's what this is about!? Me helping out my pack members!? You know how much my pack means to me. How selfish can you be?"  
Stiles was shaking slightly from his sobs. "I-I couldn't take it anymore. I can't deal with being second fiddle anymore. It hurts way too much. If you really loved me, you would stop."  
"Really you're playing that card? You know I love you. Let me tell-" Derek was cut off.  
“It was our anniversary! That should have been a day for just US being together and you had to fuck Isaac!”  
“It was for the good of the pack!”  
“So am I not pack? Being your mate isn’t enough? Really?”  
“You know that you’re pack! This is more than one person though! The heat hurts them if they don’t get relief! You’re being selfish! Why can’t you think about them?”  
"I tried to kill myself!" Stiles yelled.  
Derek’s face paled. He softly whimpered, "Stiles? W-why? Please tell me that you're lying. Please tell me it isn't true," Stiles didn't respond, "Oh God... Why? When? How? Why didn't you tell me?"  
"I couldn't take you being with Erica and Isaac. When Boyd joined in, I started to cut. The first time was an accident, but it helped. I just keep thinking that the only reason you're doing it is because I'm not good enough for you... I tried while you were away for that treaty. That's why I got sick...."  
Derek had tears streaming down his face, "Cutting?" Stiles rolled up both of his sleeves, leaving his scars out for Derek to see. "When did you last cut?"  
"The day I tried to kill myself, but I was just about to do it again."  
Derek cried out and pulled Stiles into his arms. Both of them were crying. Derek pleaded, "Please don't. Oh God. This is all my fault. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry love. How could I hurt you so much? Why didn't I know? I'm sorry. Please don't hurt yourself anymore. I love you. I love you so much. Please tell me what to do."  
"I didn't want you to know. I thought that you would be mad at me if you knew..."  
"The only person I'm mad at is myself. I hurt my mate. You should come first, not the pack or anything else. You will from now on. I'm sorry. Please forgive me. Will you please come back home?"  
"Will you stop helping Erica and Isaac?"  
"Yes! I'm so sorry. I didn't know that it hurt you so much. I'll do anything to try and make it up to you. I love you so much."  
Stiles still was weary, but he agreed to go back home. Derek smiled through his tears and grabbed Stiles's things.  
~  
Derek took Stiles's hand as he lead them into the house. He bent down and kissed Stiles deeply.  
"Wait here, I want to give you your gift. Close your eyes!"  
"Okay."  
Derek grabbed the thin rectangular box wrapped in gold with a silver ribbon around it that he hid under the couch a week ago, "Okay. Open your eyes." Stiles did and he opened the box and saw a small silver chain with the symbol on Derek's back as the pendant. Stiles smiled brightly and said, "I love it. Will you put it on me?"  
Derek nodded and put it on him, "I love you," Derek said before kissing his mate.  
"Your gift is on the night stand. Come on."  
Derek chuckled and swept him up in his arms and carried him upstairs.  
“I can walk you know.”  
“I know, but I’m going to pamper you. You deserve it more than anyone else. I want to make it up to you. I’m a complete idiot. Thank you for giving me another chance. I couldn’t live without you”  
Derek laid Stiles down on the bed. Then grabbed the present. He opened the journal and ran his fingers over the cover.  
"I thought that you could use it to keep your thoughts straight or whatever."  
"I love it. Thank you," Derek said. He set it back onto the nightstand and climbed onto the bed, "I want to make love to you. Can I?"  
Stiles smiled and pulled Derek on top of him and kissed the werewolf. Derek nibbled at Stiles's bottom lip, begging for entrance. Stiles let Derek's tongue in and wrapped his arms around his neck as Derek explored his mouth.  
Derek started to kiss his jaw and sucked on Stiles's earlobe. That always turned Stiles on. Stiles let out a moan as his cock started to harden. Derek stopped only to pull his shirt off then got to work on Stiles's. Derek let out a soft whimper when he saw the scars on Stiles's hips.  
"I'm sorry. I made you do this," Derek said sadly as he traced them lightly. Stiles tried to cover them up, but Derek stopped him, "Please don't. It's okay. I still think that you're beautiful."  
"No I'm not. I'm covered in scars."  
Derek shook his head and started to kiss each one, "You will always be beautiful to me."  
Derek removed all of their clothes and continued to kiss Stiles. He wanted to show him how much he loved him. Derek trailed kisses down Stiles's neck and chest, pausing to suck on both of his nipples before making his way down Stiles's happy trail.  
"Derek.... Please.... I need you..." Stiles whimpered as Derek was teasing the head of his cock. Derek smirked as he took the head into his mouth and sucked, loving the sounds that Stiles was making. He took more and more into his mouth each timed he bobbed his head up and down. He pulled off only to start licking his balls.  
"Derek! Please..."  
"Tell me what you want."  
"I want your tongue on me please. I want you to fuck me."  
Derek chuckled and started to lick farther down. Spreading Stiles's legs farther apart, he started to lick at the pink entrance. Stiles was a whimpering mess. Derek pushed his tongue past the sphincter and Stiles cried out.  
"More! Please! Oh..... Derek.... Finger me... I need more..."  
Derek pulled up and grabbed the lube. He generously coated his fingers before pressing one in and moving it slowly. After a bit, he added another one and started to scissor him open. After adding a third one, Stiles started to fuck himself on them. Derek kissed him deeply before slowly pushing his cock past the tight opening. Derek kept a slow, deep pace, pulling out to the tip then pushing back in.  
Stiles moaned as each thrust hit his prostate. Derek sped up as he wrapped a hand around Stiles's cock. The two kissed passionately as Derek's knot began to fill. Derek pushed in one last time, getting his knot past the tight opening and they both came. Derek pulled Stiles into his arms as he moved them under the sheets into a more comfortable position.  
Kissing the back of Stiles's neck, Derek said, "I love you Stiles. I'm sorry that I hurt you. I can't believe that I didn't notice. I'm so sorry love."  
"I didn't want you to know. I didn't want to hurt you. I'm sorry."  
"There is nothing for you to be sorry about. What pushed you into leaving?"  
"Isaac. It just hurt so much, seeing it. You know? It was just so much harder than having to listen to it. Then it was even on our anniversary of all days. I felt worthless and forgotten," Stiles explained as a few tears started to fall.  
Derek whimpered and pulled Stiles closer to him, "How about we spend the rest of the day together and talk? Then, in a few days, I'll talk to Erica and Isaac about stopping this. Does that sound okay?"  
"Yeah. Could I be with you when you talk to them?"  
"Yes. I wouldn't tell you that you aren't allowed to. Plus, I was going to ask if you wanted to."  
"What are you going to tell them? They're going to want to know why you're stopping."  
"I'll just tell them that you want it to stop because it's hurting you and I want you to be happy. Anything else is up to you."  
"Thank you Der," Stiles said before the two of them fell into a content silence: arms wrapped around each other, holding each other close.  
After a few minutes passed Stiles softly said, "Ant killer."  
"What?"  
"That's how I tried to kill myself. I put a lot of it into a glass of orange juice."  
Derek tightened his hold on him. Derek pulled out of Stiles then quickly pulled Stiles closer to him. As he cradled his mate, he said, "I love you. Please don't do that again. I don't know what I'd do if I lost you."  
The two spent the rest of the day, clinging to each other.


	7. Chapter 7

The next few days passed by in a blur of tears, cuddling, and words of love. Derek didn't want Stiles to leave his sight. He managed to convince Stiles to at least tell Peter what had happened. Derek didn't want Stiles to ever be alone, so Peter would come over when he had to work.  
Derek woke Stiles up with a kiss and smiled when his mate opened his eyes.   
"Good morning Der," Stiles said sleepily as he wrapped his arms around Derek's neck.  
"Good morning love," Derek said before kissing Stiles again, "Come on. Let's go take a shower. It's been awhile since we had sex in there."  
"Okay, but you're carrying me there. I'm too tired and you're comfy," Stiles mumbled into Derek's neck. Derek chuckled and threw Stiles over his shoulder. That woke him up completely.  
"I didn't mean this way! Derek!" Stiles shouted as he wiggled around.  
Derek laughed and gave a quick slap to Stiles's ass, "Stop wiggling."  
"And if I don't?"  
"If you don't, I'll spank you."  
"Promise?"   
Derek laughed and put Stiles down when they got into the bathroom. Stiles immediately pulled Derek into a deep kiss. Derek lifted Stiles onto the counter and nibbled on his lip, begging for entrance. Stiles opened his mouth to let Derek's tongue in. He moaned into the kiss and wrapped his legs around Derek's waist.  
"I thought you said that you were going to spank me," Stiles whispered into Derek's ear. Derek growled and pulled Stiles off of the counter.   
He pushed Stiles into the wall, with his ass facing him. Derek kneeled down and started to massage the creamy white globes. He gave one a quick slap and then rubbed the red mark. Derek spread Stiles's legs farther apart and started to lick at his entrance, occasionally smacking then soothing his ass.  
Stiles was a whimpering mess. A constant stream of soft moans were falling from his lips and Derek loved it. He pushed his tongue past the rim and started to tongue fuck him. He pushed a finger in alongside his tongue and moved it in and out slowly.  
"Der! Please! It feels so good. More!"  
Derek removed his tongue and licked the rim as he added another finger in. He angled his fingers and found Stiles's prostate. He continued to hit it again and again, never letting up. He added a third finger and started to suck on Stiles's balls.  
"I'm so close! Please Der!"  
Derek continued to lick at Stiles's balls until Stiles came. He removed his fingers and turned Stiles around. His mate looked so fucking hot. He moaned and licked the cum off of Stiles. After he was cleaned off, he stood back up and pulled Stiles into a kiss while he turned the shower on.  
"Will you suck me off in the shower?" Derek asked as they stepped into the shower.  
Stiles nodded and got onto his knees. He kissed the head before slowly taking it into his mouth. He looked up at Derek and started to suck on it. Derek moaned and thread his fingers into Stiles's hair. Stiles took more of Derek into his mouth as he sucked on it eagerly.  
Derek was moaning and whining as he got closer to cumming. "Stiles! I'm close," a few moments later he came into Stiles's mouth and Stiles swallowed all of it.  
The two quickly finished their shower and got dressed. Isaac, Erica, and Boyd were going to be over soon.   
~  
Stiles was sitting on Derek's lap when the doorbell rang. He got off his lap and answered the door. Erica pushed Stiles out of her way as he opened the door. Isaac and Boyd followed suit. Stiles bit his lip and went to sit next to Derek.   
Derek wrapped his arm around him and started to talk, "I'm not going to help you guys with your heats anymore."  
"Why not?" Isaac asked.  
"Stiles doesn't like it. It hurts him and he wants it to stop."  
"Who cares? He doesn't matter. His opinion has nothing to do with us. He doesn't deserve to have a say in this," Erica said in a cruel tone.  
Stiles whimpered softly as his eyes started to water. Derek glared at Erica and pulled Stiles onto his lap and held him tight, "Stiles is my mate. He comes first. It's hurting him, so it needs to stop."  
"Please! He's probably just jealous that he has to share you. You're our Alpha! You should be taking care of us. Not that whiney little bitch you call your mate!"  
Stiles hid his face into Derek's chest as tears started to fall from his eyes. Derek growled out, "He's my mate and you will respect him. He has his reasons for wanting it to end and it hurts him."  
"Please! He's pathetic. Why would you even want him? He's worthless!" Erica yelled. Stiles started sobbing and struggled to get out of Derek's arms.  
"Let me go! She's right! I'm worthless! Just let me kill myself!" Stiles shouted through the broken sobs, "I should just die. Please let me go! I'll end it! I promise! Please!"  
Derek held tight to Stiles, trying to comfort him. His eye were blurring with unshed tears, "No love. I can't. I won't let you take your life. Please stay with me. I don't want to ever live without you. Please stay strong. Please don't hurt yourself," the other three watched the scene in complete shock, "I love you so much. You aren't worthless. You mean the world to me. Please tell me what I can do to help you."  
Stiles continued to sob as Derek rocked him back and forth. Isaac placed a hand on Stiles's shoulder and got his attention, "I don't think that you're worthless. I'd miss you if you were gone. I know that Scott would too. Please don't kill yourself. I'm going to call Scott."  
Derek gave Isaac a watery smile before turning to Erica and saying, "You need to leave," she nodded and left with Boyd following after her. Derek called out, "Isaac?"  
"Yeah?"  
"Would you call the rest of the pack too? See if they can come over?"  
"Yeah. I'll go do that."


	8. Chapter 8

Isaac called Scott and he answered on the second ring. "Hello?" Scott's voice said on the other line.  
"Hey. I need you to come by Derek's house. Like now if possible."  
"Sure. What's going on?"  
Isaac's voice choked as he said, "Stiles wants to kill himself. He was begging Derek to let him go so he could end it. He really wants to die."  
"Fuck. I'll be there in ten. I'm bringing Allison too. Is that okay?"  
"Yeah. Derek wants the pack here."  
"Okay. I'll see you soon," Scott said before ending the call.  
Isaac called Peter next, "Yes? What does my nephew need now?"  
"You need to come to his house. Stiles needs us."  
"I should be able to be there really soon. Tell Derek that. Bye."  
Isaac called the rest of the pack as quickly as he could. Then when he was done, he ran back into the house to try and comfort Stiles.  
~  
The rest of the pack was there in ten minutes. Scott didn't even bother knocking before he ran into the house to find Stiles. When he saw him, he sat down on the other side of him and rubbed his back.  
Stiles was still sobbing and murmuring, "Just let me die," over and over into Derek's chest.  
"Stiles?" Scott said, trying to get his attention.   
Stiles looked at him and wiped at the tears on his face, "What?" At this point, Lydia, Alison, Jackson, Danny, and Peter were all in the room.  
"Why do you want to hurt yourself?"  
"I'm worthless. I'd be better off dead. Everyone would be happier too," Derek started sobbing and Peter placed a hand on his shoulder.  
"Go take a quick breather. You need it," Peter said to Derek.  
"But I can't leave Stiles."  
"Just go for a short run. You and your wolf need it right now. We'll watch him. I won't let anything happen to him. I promise."   
Derek nodded reluctantly as he moved the still crying Stiles onto Peter's lap, "Just hold him okay?" Peter nodded and Derek bent down to kiss Stiles's forehead, "I'll be back soon. I promise. I love you so much."  
"I love you too," Stiles said as tears fell down his face. Derek gave him a watery smile, wiped away a few of the tears and kissed him softly before leaving the house.  
Peter rubbed Stiles's back as he tried to calm his crying. Lydia was in tears, How could I not notice that anything was wrong? Jackson held her close, his eyes were watering too. Danny had his arms wrapped around his knees as a tear fell from his eyes.   
All of them were broken hearted. Seeing Stiles like this was hard on all of them. They didn't understand how the always smiling hyperactive Stiles was the same person crying on Peter's lap. No-one spoke, they were too shocked to be able to say anything.  
After a while, Lydia spoke up first, “What made him do it? Does anybody know?”  
“I think it’s because of Derek helping us with our heats. He said it hurt Stiles,” Isaac said softly, the guilt clear in his voice.  
“Helping you with your heats? I thought he stopped that when he started dating Stiles,” Jackson said angrily.  
“No, it didn’t stop.”  
“Why not?” Scott growled out, “Was Stiles not enough? Did he really have to fuck you guys too? I’m going to kill him!”  
“I think Derek wants that too. He’s never going to forgive himself for letting this happen,” Peter said sadly as he continued to sooth Stiles.   
~  
Derek ran into a clearing and fell to his knees. He held his head as he chocked on his sobs.  
I hurt my own mate. I made him want to kill himself. I made him feel completely worthless. Stiles is so perfect, and I caused him to forget that.   
He should just leave me. I don't disurve him. I'll never be able to make it up to him.  
Derek continued to sob for a few minutes before he calmed himself down. He stood up and started to run back to Stiles.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Updates will be taking longer. I am still in the process of writing this story.


	9. Chapter 9

As Derek opened the door, he heard Scott saying, "I'm going to kill him!"  
Peter's voice replied, "I think Derek wants that too. He's never going to forgive himself for letting this happen."  
Derek walked into the living room. Scott growled at him when he saw him.   
"Give me one good reason for why I shouldn't kill you right now."  
Derek looked at Stiles then back at Scott. "I can't. If you want to kill me, I won't stop you," he said dejectedly as he walked back over to Stiles and ran his fingers through his hair.  
Stiles sniffled as he looked at Derek, "You're back already?"  
"Yes. I told you that I wouldn't be gone too long. Are you doing any better? Can I hold you again or are you comfortable?"   
Peter let go of Stiles so he could sit up fully. Stiles opened his arms and said, "I'm comfy, but you're my cuddle-wolf."  
Derek smiled softly and pulled Stiles up to his feet and into a hug. Stiles clung to him as Derek pulled them onto the empty recliner. Stiles reclined the chair and settled onto Derek's lap.  
"Is there anything that you want, love?" Derek asked.  
"I wouldn't say no to ice cream."  
Scott stood up saying, "I'll get it."  
Stiles shouted after him, "I want hot fudge too!"  
"Got it."   
Scott soon came back with a bowl and handed it to Stiles. Derek grabbed it before Stiles could.  
"That's mine! Give it to me. Please?"  
Derek smiled, "I know that it's yours. I want to feed you. Please?"   
Stiles pouted, "I don't need to be fed. I can do it myself."  
"I know. I just want to spoil you."  
"Well then, spoil away," Stiles said dramatically. Derek laughed softly and started to feed Stiles. Every few bites, Derek would kiss Stiles softly; light, little pecks.   
Jackson spoke up, "Why the Hell did you think that having sex with Erica and Isaac was a good idea for their heats?"  
Derek was taken aback. He stuttered, "I-I... Ummm..."  
Scott spoke up, "Yeah. Why would you do that? What's wrong with you? Seriously?"  
Derek bit his lower lip and looked down. Jackson added in, "Out of all of your decisions, this was the stupidest of all of them. That's saying something."  
Derek didn't say anything. He buried his head into Stiles's neck. Isaac spoke up, "Leave him alone. It wasn't even his idea. It was Erica's."  
"I only wanted to help her the first time so we had time to figure out something else," Derek said softly.  
Peter spoke up, "Didn't you think to get them knotted dildos? What did you think your mother did?"  
"I tried that! Erica said that it didn't help."  
"Then she was lying. It works just as well. It worked for everyone in our pack before. That wouldn't change with any other wolf in this pack," Peter said finally.  
"What?" Derek asked, his voice shaking.   
Stiles noticed and he wrapped his arms around Derek's neck, "It's okay, Der."  
"No it's not. It's bad enough that she had Boyd join in. I never wanted any of this!"  
Peter felt his anger boiling up, "You never wanted this? So Isaac and Erica have been taking advantage of you for three years now?"  
Isaac whimpered and his eyes started to water, "Why didn't you tell me that you didn't want it? I wouldn't have asked for help then. I only asked because Erica told me that you were okay with it. You could've said no. I'm so sorry Derek."  
Derek reached one of his arms out, "Come here pup," Isaac moved to him, Stiles and Derek pulled him into a hug, "It's okay. I don't blame you."  
Isaac started to cry, "It's not okay. I practically raped you! How can you be okay with this?"  
Stiles said softly, "It's not your fault. You didn't know."  
Derek added in, "She lied to you. She's no better than Kate. I don't blame you. You don't have to apologize."  
Stiles continued, "We both care about you. We aren't going to be mad at you or hate you."  
Derek added, "Erica is a hateful bitch. You heard what she said to Stiles. She's the one to blame. You didn't rape me. I promise. You never showed up again when I said that you couldn't. You didn't touch me without my consent; if you did,I still wouldn't blame you because you wouldn't have been able to help it."  
Isaac nodded and gave the two a tight hug before going back to his spot by Jackson.   
Stiles asked quietly, "It was Boyd right? He's the one that you didn't want here."  
Derek nodded, "I really couldn't argue when they first showed up. Afterwards, well, I wasn't happy about it and I told her that Boyd wasn't allowed to come over again. She never asked if he could join, she just brought him."  
Stiles said quietly, "I thought that you were enjoying being fucked by him. You were really loud when I was walking past. I thought that I was just bad in bed because you're never that loud when you're with me."  
"What? He never fucked me. I would have probably killed him if he tried to. You aren't bad in bed. You are actually the best out of everyone I've been with. I stay quiet so I can hear your moans better."  
"If he didn't fuck you, then what did he do?"  
Derek blinked and blushed a bit, "Well... He.... ummmm... He was... Can I tell you later?" Stiles shook his head no, "Of course. He was sucking on my balls. You know how much I like that."  
Stiles kissed Derek and said, "I can't decide between laughing and being pissed off at Boyd."  
Peter spoke up, "Those two need to be kicked out of the pack, if not killed."  
"I want to kick their asses," Lydia said.  
"I can use them as target practice," Alison chimed in.  
Jackson and Scott spoke at the same time, "Ms. Morell!"  
"What about her?" Danny asked.  
"Well, she loves Stiles and she could help finish them off," Scott answered.  
"I like where this is going," Peter said, "Derek, we'll be leaving. We have some arrangements to make."  
"Okay. Just don't get caught. Please?" Derek said. The rest of the pack gave both him and Stiles a hug before leaving the two alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think! :)


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to Sophie'sSudz and WatchersUnited for their brilliant ideas that they gave me.   
> I'm also looking for a beta. Let me know if you'd be interested

Ms. Morell opened the door as she listened to the ceaseless rings of her doorbell. Who ever was on the other end was obviously impatient.  
"Scott? What are you doing here?" she asked when she saw the boy's face.  
"Can I come in? It's about Stiles?"  
"Yes. What happened?" She asked worriedly as she ushered Scott into the living room.  
"He's suicidal! My brother wants to kill himself! It's all Erica's fault, Derek's too. The pack wants your help."  
"Wait! What? Stiles wants to die? The same Stiles that I watched when his mother was sick? The same Stiles that is like a son to me wants to die?" Scott nodded sadly, "Tell me what's going on."  
"Derek has been helping Erica and Isaac out with their heats and Stiles didn't handle it well."  
"I'm going to kill him."  
"I'm not done. Appearantly Derek never wanted it. Erica took advantage of him and Isaac was told that it was okay with Derek. Then Erica had Boyd join in and Derek didn't want that at all. It's like he's reliving his experience with Kate."  
"I feel bad for him but, I'm still pissed. What do you need me to do?"  
"Erica and Boyd are being kicked out of the pack. Lydia and Allison want a go at them, but I'm sure that you'll want to finish them off."  
"Damn right I do! No-one hurts my baby and gets away with it! They are dead!" She raged on.  
Once she finally calmed down, Scott said, "Peter is making plans right now. We can go to his apartment and join in."  
"Okay. After you."  
~  
Peter, Isaac, Lydia, Jackson, Danny, Scott, Allison, and Ms. Morell all sat around the kitchen table in Peter's apartment. Anger was thick in the air. Lydia had her leather bound notebook in front of her, writing down the vengeful ideas that were suggested.  
Peter spoke up, "When we kick them out of the pack, they'll become Omegas. If we do that first, then we have an excuse to kill them. We don't want any of our ally packs thinking that we're killing our own. That sort of thing makes us look weak and untrustworthy."  
"Peter's right," Ms. Morell said, "If you kick them out, they'll kick up a fuss. Lydia will be able to yell at them and Allison can go after the two and use them as target practice as they runaway. After she gets a few good shots, I'll take over from there."  
"That works for me," Lydia said, Allison nodded her head in agreement. Everyone followed suit.  
"Good. I'm glad that's decided. Now, I'm going to go home. Call me when you're going to kick them out of the pack," Ms. Morell stated before walking out the door.  
~  
Erica stomped into her apartment, fuming mad. Boyd followed in after her. The apartment was small (one bedroom, one bathroom, a kitchen, and a living room), but Derek - whose still paying for the rent- thought it would be a good start for the couple and would motivate them into getting better jobs so they could get a better one.  
"That little bitch! I fucking hate him! He ruins everything thing!" Erica spat out.  
Boyd nodded, "You'd think that Derek would have left him for us by now. But that idiot is keeping us from Derek."  
"Yes! If we could get Stiles out of the way, Derek would come running to us. Then the plan will be back on track."  
"I still don't like the idea of you having to marry that bastard."  
"I know. I don't like that either, but it needs to happen if we're to get all of his money. We won't even have to be married that long. Six months max, then you can slit his throat while he's sleeping and you become the alpha."  
"So we need to kill Stiles. Him being suicidal works in our favor. No one will question why he's dead. They'll all think that he killed himself."  
"But how?"  
"Ant killer is deadly right?"  
"Yeah. We could put some in his drink when everyone is distracted. It shouldn't take much."  
"Good. Then we have our plan."


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is really short, but I feel like it should stand alone. I'm still looking for a beta if anyone is interested. Just let me know.

Lydia and Jackson were about to leave when Jackson asked, "Do you need a ride?"  
"Nah. I'm going to be with Isaac for awhile. He's really upset about what's happening right now."  
"Who isn't?" Lydia asked softly.  
Danny noticed Isaac and said, "That's my que. I'll see you guys later."  
Isaac walked out of Peter's apartment sullenly with his head hanging down, looking at his feet. He felt so guilty for what he's done to Derek. Tears started to roll down Isaac's cheeks. Isaac wiped at his face angrily as he continued to walk down to his apartment (It was in the building next to Peter's apartment, Derek had helped him pick it out and cover some of the rent while Isaac was searching for a second job.) Isaac didn't notice Danny walking after him.  
He fumbled with his keys as he tried to get it into the lock; his blurring eyesight was making it more difficult. Danny took the keys from Isaac's hand and opened the door for him.  
"Come on. Let's get inside then we can talk," Danny spoke softly. Isaac just nodded as Danny led him inside.   
The two sat down on the couch and Danny asked, "What's wrong? You can talk to me."  
Isaac cried, but complied with the request, "I betrayed Derek! He's done so much for me and I pay him back by raping him for years! I can't stand myself!"  
"Did Derek say that you raped him?"  
"No, but he should at least blame me for it."  
"Did Derek blame you?"  
"No, but-"  
"Who did he blame?"  
"Erica, but I still went with it."  
"Who told you that Derek would help you out?"  
"Erica did, but I never asked Derek."  
"You were in heat when you went to Derek, right?"  
"Yeah."  
"What can you honestly do when you are in heat?"  
"Just looking for a knot."  
"Can you even think straight?"  
"No. I'm in too much pain."  
"Then would you have honestly been able to ask Derek if it was okay?"  
"No," Issac answered softly, looking down at the floor.  
Danny lifted Isaac's chin up so he could look in his eyes, "Then you aren't to blame. It's not your fault. I promise."  
Isaac, sniffling quietly, nodded and Danny wiped away the fallen tears. "You have beautiful eyes," Danny said.  
Isaac's eyes filled with surprise, Danny quickly tried to back track, "You probably didn't want to hear that. There's no chance that you'd ever like me back. I'm sorry."  
Isaac leaned forward and quieted him with a kiss, "I like you too. I didn't think that you liked me back."  
Danny smiled and kissed him again, "Would you maybe want to go on a date with me?"  
"I'd love to."  
Danny smiled brightly and pulled Isaac into a hug.   
"Do you want to stay and watch a movie?" Isaac asked.  
"I'd love too."


	12. Chapter 12

Stiles panicked when he started to feel Derek shake. He got off his lap and kneeled in front of him, "Der? What's wrong? Are you okay?"  
Derek shook his head as tears started to fall from his eyes. Stiles spoke softly, "Please talk to me Der. Tell me what's wrong."  
Derek choked on his sobs, "She used me. Fuck! It's all my fault too! Just like it was with Kate!"  
Stiles started to cry, "No baby. It's not your fault. It's never been your fault, not with Kate and not with Erica. You didn't know. You couldn't have known."  
Derek shook his head, "Even if it wasn't, I still deserved it. I hurt you and this is what I get for it. I understand if you want to leave me," Derek's voice shook before he started to sob into his hands.  
Stiles frowned, "You're right," Derek looked up at him, "You did hurt me and I should leave you, but I won't. I love you too much to leave you. And you're wrong about thinking that you deserved being used like that. No one deserves that."  
Derek launched himself into Stiles's arms and cried. Stiles rubbed his mates back as he slowly calmed down. Stiles pressed a soft kiss to Derek's cheek and ran his fingers through his hair. "I'm sorry Stiles. I don't deserve this. Why do you even want to be near me? I'm disgusting."  
"You aren't disgusting. You're amazing. I love you so much. I don't like seeing you so sad."  
Derek nuzzled into his mate's neck and just breathed in the scent, "So, you aren't going to leave me?"  
"No. I can't. I love you too much to leave. So, I guess you're stuck with me."  
Derek gave a weak smile, "I'm glad. I don't want to lose you."  
"Come on, we need a distraction."  
"Not sex. I just can't right now."  
"I know baby. I was going to suggest that we take turns reading."  
"Okay. Go pick out a book."  
Stiles hopped up to his feet and went to the book case. He grabbed "Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy" and bounded back to Derek. He sat on his lap and started to read. They took turns reading, making comments on things in the book, they made it halfway through the book in a few hours.  
Stiles's stomach growled loudly and Derek set the book a side. "Hungry?" Stiles nodded, "Do you want to go out to eat? We can celebrate our anniversary."  
"Can we go to Deaton's and look at the kittens afterwards?" Stiles asked.  
"Of course love. We can go to that diner that you like so much," Derek said as he nuzzled into his mate's neck.  
"Let's go then," Stiles said as he ran to the door. Derek smiled and followed after him.  
Stiles hopped into the passenger seat of the camaro. Derek climbed into the driver's seat and gave Stiles a quick kiss.  
After they ate, the camaro pulled into the parking lot outside of Deaton's. Stiles ran inside and was bouncing on his feet waiting for Derek.  
"Is there some supernatural emergency?" Deaton asked calmly.  
Derek shook his head, "No. Stiles wants to look at the kittens."  
"That's good. They may be a bit sleepy because they got surgery yesterday. Let me know if you want to have on in a room."  
Derek nodded and let Stiles pull him to where the kittens were. Stiles squat down and watched one of the kittens stager around.   
"Can we see that one? Please?" Stiles begged like a toddler asking for sugar.  
Derek nodded and went to get Deaton. They were soon in a room with Stiles holding the kitten.   
"Look at her little face. She has half a mustash. That's so cute," Stiles said.  
"She is adorable," the kitten walked over to Derek and rubbed against him, "Cuddly too."  
"Can we get her? Please?"   
Derek looked down at the kitten, she was mostly white with a few brown tabby patches on her. She looked up at him with her pretty hazel eyes and gave a soft mewl. He thought to himself, 'Just think of Stiles's face if you surprise him tomorrow'.  
"Not today. Come on. We need to get home. Lydia wants to take you shopping early tomorrow."  
Stiles pouted slightly and nodded, "Okay. Let's go. Bye little drunk."  
Stiles went to ho give the cat back to Deaton and Derek sent Lydia a quick text.  
You're taking Stiles shopping at 8 tomorrow morning -D  
Okay. Why? -L  
I have a surprise for him that I need to set up. -D  
Derek drove them home and the cuddled for a bit before they went to bed.  
~  
The next morning, Derek was woken up with a kiss.  
"Good morning Der."  
"Good morning love. Are you leaving?"  
"Yeah. Lydia is here. I love you."  
"Love you too. Bye."  
"Bye. Don't brood all day."  
Stiles left and Derek got up to get ready. In twenty minutes, he was out the door and on the way to Deaton's.  
"Back already?"  
"Yeah. I want to get that kitten we were looking at yesterday."  
"Kahlua? Okay. I'll go and grab her."  
Derek waited as he went to grab the kitten and he paid for her shortly after. Then he was on his way to the pet store.   
He carried Kahlua in and placed her in baby seat of the cart he grabbed. She mewled at him happily. Derek walked around the store getting the things that he needed. He even got her a kitty play set.   
After he checked out, he headed home to set everything up.   
~  
It was 11 when Stiles came back home.   
"Der? Where are you?"  
"In the bathroom. Come here."  
"Why? You aren't stuck, are you?"  
"No. Get in here."  
"I really don't want to. Just finish whatever you're doing in there, then come out."  
"Stiles! Get your ass in here now."  
"Fine Mr. Grumpy. What do you need?" Stiles said as he walked into the bathroom.  
"Say hi to Kahlua," Derek held up the kitty and waved it's paw at Stiles.  
"You got her? Really? Thanks Der. Kahlua?"  
"That's the name she came with. I wanted to surprise you."  
"I like it. Thanks. I love you," Stiles said before kissing Derek deeply.  
"I love you too. Do you want to hold her?" Stiles nodded and Derek handed Kahlua to him.  
"Aren't you adorable? Oh yes you are. Yes you are," Stiles cooed at the mewling kitten. Derek smiled and wrapped his arms around Stiles, resting his chin on his shoulder.  
"She's cute. I'm glad that you're happy."  
"Thank you. I really like her. She's adorable."  
The two cooed over Kahlua for an hour before the kitten became tired and fell asleep. Derek and Stiles left her to sleep and they went to go and cuddle on the couch.


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Back to the angst!

Things didn't stay good for long. Three days after Kahlua's arrival, Stiles was sitting at the kitchen table with a knife in his hand. No-one else was there. He was alone. Tears rolled down his face as he remembered the argument that he and Derek had.  
Stiles was curled up in the recliner when Derek stormed downstairs in a fit of anger, his eyes bleeding red.  
"What the fuck is this!" Derek yelled as he held a small silver object out.  
To say Stiles was a little bit confused would be an understatement, "Wh-what? What are you talking about? What are you holding?"  
"Don't fucking bullshit me! You know what I'm talking about!" Derek was fuming. He couldn't believe that he found a razor covered in Stiles's blood - hiding behind the toilet- when he accidentally knocked the soap bottle to the ground.  
"No I don't! Why don't you fucking tell me and I might have an answer!" Stiles yelled.  
"I found this razor in the bathroom! It's covered in your blood! I thought you stopped this!"  
Stiles froze, he cut himself shaving by accident that morning, "Der-"  
"Don't 'Der' me! I'm pissed! I can't believe you didn't try and talk to me! Do you know what? I need to leave. I'll be back in a few hours but I just can't be here right now," Derek ended defeatedly.   
Before he walked out the door Stiles said, "It was an accident. I was shaving-"  
"Don't. Just don't. I don't want to hear any lies or bullshit excuses. I'm not an idiot. If you were shaving, you'd have a cut on your face. Just..." Derek trailed off, looking like he wanted to say something more but he just shook his head and walked out the door. The sound of it clicking shut was deafening.  
Stiles pressed the cold blade to his wrist and dragged it across the scared skin. He watched little beads of blood bubble up to the surface. He was about to dig the blade across another time when Kahlua gave a clicking meow. Stiles looked up and saw her sitting on the kitchen table in front of him. She pushed the knife away with her nose and Stiles put it down.  
"Hey girl," Stiles said through his tears, "What do you need? Huh? Do you want some attention?"  
She mewled again and Stiles picked her up and held her. "I'm fine baby. Don't worry. I love you," Stiles murmured into her fur. Then there was a knock on the door and Stiles went to go answer it, taking Kahlua with him.  
He opened the door and saw his father.  
"Hi Dad," Stiles said as he stepped aside to let him in.  
"Do you want to explain to me why Derek just called me crying to ask me to go and watch over you so you don't try to kill yourself?"  
Stiles stood there gaping like a fish before he led his dad to the living room and sat down on the couch.  
~  
Derek was in the same clearing that he went to when Stiles had his break down. He sat down on the grass, leaning against a rock and cried. He was at a loss. He didn't know how to help his mate out and it was killing him.   
'I shouldn't have yelled at him. God! All I do is fuck things up more!" He cried for a few more minutes before he realized that he left Stiles alone.  
He frantically grabbed his phone and called the Sheriff.  
"Hello? Derek?"  
Derek was sobbing, "You have to go watch Stiles. We were in a fight because I found a razor blade with his blood on it and I left him alone. Oh God! I shouldn't have left him alone!"  
"What's going on?"  
"Please go watch him! I don't want him to kill himself! Please! I can't do it right now. I'm too much of a mess."  
"Okay. I'm on my way. Just take a breather and calm down. Go home when you're ready."  
"Thank you," Derek choked out before he hung up. He held his head in his hands and sobbed, hating himself more and more with each passing second. His mate was hurting and he was only making things worse.  
'It's all my fault for him cutting this time too. He probably felt like I was rejecting him again last night."  
The night before was rough on Derek. He felt so disgusting and used because of that bitch. He couldn't stand to be touched at all, so he slept in one of the guest bedrooms. He couldn't even give Stiles a kiss goodnight.  
~  
The Sheriff sat down on the other end of the couch and said, "Start talking. Don't leave anything out."  
Stiles nodded and asked, "Where do you want me to start?"  
"How about the beginning?"  
So, Stiles started to tell his father everything that has happened over the year, "Just don't interupt or I won't be able to finish. The day I moved in, I learned that Derek was helping Erica and Isaac put with their heats. I asked Derek to stop and he refused to, told me that I could leave if I didn't like it.  
"It didn't stop, I got depressed and then I kind of started to get some really bad thoughts. Derek was helping Erica with her heat and Boyd decided to join in. That was the first time I cut but it was accidental.  
"Then he left to go help Isaac the next day and then left to go take care of pack buissness. I cut everyday and then I tried to kill myself by downing ant killer. That's why I got really sick for two weeks.  
"Not long after that, we got in a big fight and we made up. Isaac went into heat on our anniversary and that's when I left. I told Derek about what has been going on and he promised to stop helping them with their heats.  
"When we told Erica and Isaac that Derek wasn't going to help them anymore, Erica threw a fit and took it out on me. I had a breakdown and begged Derek to let me kill myself a few days ago. And now here you are."  
Stiles's father was crying and he pulled Stiles in for a hug. "Did you .... cut... again this morning? Derek said that he found a razor with your blood on it."  
"Not this morning. I was shaving and accidentally nicked myself. But I did a few minutes ago. Only once though."  
The Sheriff winced, "You don't have any cuts on your face though."  
"I wasn't shaving my face. I got my knee. See?" Stiles rolled up his pant leg and showed his dad the bandage.  
His dad rubbed his forehead, "I know I'm going to regret asking this, but why did you shave your legs?"  
"Well, one it makes them really smooth. Two, I had a surprise for Derek and it would work better if they were shaved."  
"I don't want to know anymore. So, new subject. When did you get the cat?"  
"Three days ago. Derek and I went out to celebrate our anniversary and we went and looked at kittens and I wanted this one. He surprised me the next day with her."  
"What's her name?" He asked as he rubbed under her chin.  
"Kahlua. She walks like a drunk."  
"She's a cutie. Why didn't you tell me about the depression sooner? It's not that fun when you learn that your son is suicidal from his boyfriend."  
Stiles started crying, "I thought that you'd be mad or not even care at all."  
The Sheriff pulled his son close and held him as he cried.


	14. Chapter 14

Isaac was a wreck. He couldn't get over how Erica tricked him. Because of her, he was a rapist. He hurt the two people that he saw as his parents. He was a monster. He deserved to die. He wanted his mom and dad to hold him, but he didn't deserve that comfort from them.  
After sitting around and moping through the morning, Isaac's resolve crumbled and he left to go see Stiles.  
~  
A few minutes after the Sheriff left, there was a knock on the door.  
Stiles got up and answered it saying, "Let me guess you forg.... Isaac? What's wrong? Come in."  
Isaac still had tears flowing down his face as he followed Stiles in to the living room.  
Stiles sat him down and asked gently, "Will you tell me what's wrong hun?"  
Isaac choked on a sob as he began to say, "I-I'm a m-m-monster! I don't deserve to live! Just kill me!"  
Stiles's heart broke. He knew that he had to get Derek here. He was practically Isaac's dad while Stiles took over the role of mom. He placed a quick kiss on Isaac's forehead before saying, "I'll be right back. Okay?"  
Stiles ran up stairs, grabbed his phone and called Derek.  
~  
Derek stayed in the clearing for a good couple of hours. He calmed down and headed back to the Camaro. When he got into the car, his phone rang. He answered it right when he saw that it was Stiles calling.  
"Hi love. Are you okay?" Derek asked.  
"No. First I didn't cut myself this morning, I was shaving my legs and nicked myself. Second, I'm sorry but I did cut once after you left, but only once. Third, I need you to get home like right now."  
"I'm on my way. What's going on?"  
"Isaac showed up crying and just asked me to kill him. I have to go. I love you. See you soon," Stiles said quickly before hanging up.   
Derek sped home. His pup was hurting.  
~  
Stiles was rocking Isaac back and forth when Derek ran into the room. He frowned when he say that Isaac was crying.  
"Hi Der," Stiles said then to Isaac, "Baby, it's okay. Dad's here."  
Isaac looked up at Derek then whispered, "You can kill me. I deserve it. Stiles won't do it though."  
Derek sat down on the other side of Isaac and held him close with Stiles. He softly said, "I can't kill you pup. I love you too much. We both love you too much."  
"Mom too? Even after how I hurt him?" Isaac asked in a small voice.  
"Yes, Mom too. I love you too much to see you die, no matter what," Stiles answered as he pressed a kiss to his forehead.  
Isaac cried, "B-but I hurt you. I made you want to die. How can you still love me?"  
"I never stopped loving you because I can't. You're my baby."  
"It's okay pup. We aren't mad at you. No one is going to be killed today. I promise. We aren't going to leave you behind," Derek murmured into his hair.   
Isaac continued to cry until he wore himself out. Once he was fast asleep in between Derek and Stiles, Derek wrapped an arm around Stiles's shoulders and gave one a reassuring squeeze.  
"I'm sorry about last night and this morning," Derek said.  
"It-"  
"Please let me finish. Last night was rough on me. I couldn't stand myself. I felt so disgusting. I just had to be alone then. This morning, I saw the blood and thought that I hurt you enough to cut again. I was mad at myself, not you love. I shouldn't have over reacted and listened to what you had to say. I'm so sorry love," Derek confessed, opening up even more to his mate.   
"I know Der. I knew why you wanted to be alone. I understand. I just wished that you would have listened to my side of the story. I was really just shaving my legs," Stiles replied quietly.  
"But you cut because of what I did."  
"Only once and it's not even that big. Kahlua headbutted the knife and got my attention."  
"I'm still sorry."  
"I know Der. I forgive you. Just try to let me say my side before jumping to conclusions."  
Derek nodded and rubbed Isaac's back, "I'm going to go put him in the guest bedroom."   
Stiles nodded and watched Derek carry Isaac upstairs for what seemed like the millionth time. This time around, though, it didn't even sting. He was smiling to himself when Derek came back downstairs.  
Derek sat down next to Stiles and asked, "What's got you smiling?"  
"I think that I'm getting better. It doesn't hurt to see you carry him anymore."  
Derek gave him a bright smile and kissed him, "I'm proud of you. So, why did you shave your legs?"  
"How did I know that you were going to ask that? Would you rather me tell you, or show you?" Stiles asked seductively.  
Derek felt his cock give a twitch in interest, "Show me. Please."  
Stiles smirked and sauntered up the staircase, Derek trailing him like a puppy. Stiles pushed Derek down onto the bed and said, "Stay here and strip. I'll be right back."  
Stiles walked into the walk in closet and got into the lingerie he bought when he went shopping with Lydia. He zipped the black and red corset top up and pulled on the matching thong. He carefully rolled the black stockings up and attached them to the garter belt. He stepped into the heels and walked back into the bedroom.   
Derek was stroking himself hard and stopped when he saw Stiles. He let out a soft groan and jumped up to devour his mates mouth. "You look so fucking hot. Can't wait to fuck you," Derek growled out. He bit Stiles's lip and sucked on his tongue as he pushed Stiles onto the bed.  
He sucked on Stiles's neck, worrying the pale skin. Stiles groaned when Derek started to stroke him through the lacy thong.  
"Please! Der....."  
Derek smirked and grabbed the bottle of lube. He slicked up his fingers and began to tease Stiles's rim.   
Stiles's mouth hung open as Derek started to finger his tight little ass. He soon had Stiles in a whimpering mess.  
"Ohhh..... Please..... Fuck me. Derek! Split me open on your cock!.... Ohhh god...." Stiles begged through his moans.   
Derek kissed him deeply as he pulled the thong further out of the way and entered Stiles. Derek bit his lip and tried to hold back the soft gasps that were falling out of his mouth as he bottomed out.   
"Please don't. I want to hear you. I want you to be loud," Stiles pleaded. Derek's resolve fell fast, he let out a loud groan when he started to move in and out of his mate's tight ass.  
"God..... You're so fucking tight. Feels like you're trying to milk the cum out of me..... Sooo good baby.... You're fucking perfect," Derek moaned out as he sped up his thrusts.  
Stiles was fucked beyond belief. Derek hit his prostate dead on with each thrust. Derek talking had short circuited his brain, all he could do was moan Derek's name.  
Stiles came when Derek bit down on his neck, his constricting hole throwing Derek over the edge too.  
After the two came down from their high, Derek undressed Stiles and through the lingerie towards the laundry basket. He pulled Stiles close to him and whispered words of love to him as he drifted off to sleep, Derek following shortly after.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think. I'm still looking for a beta.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the end. I was thinking of adding more but felt like this was a good place to leave it here. I might add an epilog.

The next morning, Stiles was cooking breakfast when Derek came downstairs. He admired his mate’s ass for a bit before he wrapped his arms around Stiles’s waist. 

“Good morning Der. Breakfast will be ready soon,” Stiles said.

Derek hummed in content and started kissing his neck while breathing in the scent of his mate, “I really liked what you did last night.”

Stiles turned around and wrapped his arms around Derek’s neck, “I’m glad,” Stiles said before kissing Derek. Derek hummed and licked Stiles’s bottom lip. Stiles opened his  
mouth and sucked on Derek’s tongue. The wolf picked Stiles up in his arms, hands groping his ass, Stiles wrapping his legs around Derek’s waist. Derek leaned his back  
against the island and the couple continued to make out.

The two were so caught up in each other, they didn’t notice Isaac entering the kitchen. He coughed and said, “I’m glad that you two are enjoying yourselves, but please  
stop. This is the kitchen and I don’t want to see that, like ever.”

Stiles blushed and buried his head into Derek’s neck. Derek just laughed and said, “It’s my house. I can do what I want, where I want, whenever I want and right now, I really, really want to do Stiles.”

“I did not need to hear that!” Isaac yelled as he plugged his ears. 

“Let me down. The eggs are going to burn,” Derek kissed him once more before he let Stiles down, “Go sit down. Food’s almost done.”

Stiles dished out the food and set two overfilled plates in front of Derek and Isaac. He filled up another plate for himself and sat down next to Derek. The trio ate in peace  
for a bit before Derek spoke up, “I’ll call for a pack meeting today. We’ll kick Erica and Boyd out of the pack.”

“Okay Der. I’m going to hop in the shower. You two finish and clean up, I cooked.”

"Can't I join you in the shower?" Derek asked. Isaac choked on the mouthful of eggs he just put in his mouth.

Stiles laughed, "Not while the pup is here and the rest of them are going to be here soon." Derek pouted and Stiles kissed him softly, "Later Sourwolf."

"Fine. Go before I change my mind and take you on the table," Derek said as he kissed Stiles one last time.

 

~

 

Derek was sitting on the recliner, Danny on Isaac's lap with Jackson and Lydia next to them on the couch, Scott was sitting on the loveseat with Alison next to him, Peter  
was leaning against the wall. Stiles had gone to get everyone drinks -grabbing a beer for himself. He passed out the drinks and was about to sit down on Derek's lap when  
the doorbell rang.

Stiles took a deep breath and went to let Erica and Boyd into his house for the last time.

Derek stood up and began to speak to Erica and Boyd, "I called this pack meeting to talk about what is going to happen now because of your actions. I'll let you two explain  
yourselves before I tell you your fate."

Erica sneered "What's there to explain? I wanted to be the Alpha mate."

Stiles's anger grew. Derek's eyes flashed and he growled out, "So your way of getting that was raping me constantly?"

"I wasn't raping you," Erica said. Lydia set her glass of water down on the coffee table and scratched Kahlua's head. Boyd quietly stalked over to the beer Stiles just put down.

Lydia turned away from the kitten and said, "Derek never wanted this. That's rape. Not to mention the fact that your actions hurt our mom."

Kahlua staggered over to Lydia's cup of water and tilted her head into the cup to examine the contents. She lost her balance and the plastic cup attached itself over her  
head. She let out a loud mewl as the water fell down on her. Everyone's attention was on the struggling kitten; no one noticed Boyd putting a significant amount of white powder into Stiles's drink and quickly mixing it before walking away.

Stiles was laughing as he ran to get a towel from the kitchen to dry off the poor cat. Derek took pity on Kahlua and pulled the cup off of her head just as Stiles came back with the towel.

Isaac took Kahlua and dried her off as Derek continued to speak, "You know that I have a mate. Why would you try to take that from me?"

"I never liked Stiles. I deserve the money and power that comes with being your mate."

"What about Boyd?"  
"That's the best part. He was going to kill you and become the Alpha."  
Derek growled, shifting into his beta form, "You two are out of the pack. I never want to see or hear from you ever again."  
Stiles downed the rest of his beer, not recognizing the bitter poison past the strong taste of the alcohol. 

Erica noticed and looked over to Boyd. She gave him a questioning look and he nodded. Erica's face broke out into a big grin and she laughed.

Peter growled out, "I'm going to have fun killing you."

"Don't," Stiles said, "I don't want any of you guys hurting or killing them. They really aren't worth the effort or the time in jail."

The pack burst out in cries of protest. Stiles yelled over them, "That's an order!"

Erica spoke sardonically , "Why, thank you Stiles. I'll enjoy not dying. It’s just too bad I can't say the same for you."

Derek slammed her against the wall, claws digging into her neck. Boyd tried to attack Derek but was cut off by Peter tackling him to the floor.

“Don’t you dare fucking move!” Peter growled out as his eyes flashed electric blue, his own claws digging into Boyd’s neck, “I’ll kill you if you do.”

"What did you do?" Derek yelled. Erica didn't reply, "WHAT DID YOU DO?"

Erica choked out, "Poison."

"What kind?" Derek's voice thundered as his claws went in a little deeper.

"A-ant k-k-killer." Derek threw Erica aside and rushed over to Stiles.

Peter threw Erica and Boyd out of the house and followed out, slamming the door shut behind him. He wolfed out completely before jumping on Boyd and attacking without  
a single care as to how Stiles would react. Erica pounced on his back and Peter’s claws dug iin deep into her chest and throat as he yanked them back violently- sending  
Erica flying into a thick oak tree. She grasped at her ripped apart throat as she took her last few breaths. 

Boyd roared in a fit of rage and threw Peter off of him. Peter quickly recovered and pushed himself back up to his feet just as Boyd started to charge at him. Peter took a graceful side step and held out his extended claws. Boyd ran straight into them and his throat immediately filled with blood and he gasped out in pain as Peter yanked out his claws - taking Boyd’s trachea with him. The younger man fell to the ground with a loud thunk and Peter returned to his human form and headed back inside to see a frantic pack.

Derek held on to Stiles desperatly as he cried, "I can give you the bite. Please let me. It'll save you. Please. I can't lose you. Not now, not ever."

The rest of the pack watched with tears in their eyes. Their mom was going to die. They couldn't believe it.

Stiles ran his fingers through Derek's hair as he gave his answer. "No Derek," the wolf opened his mouth to protest, "Let me finish. I don't need it. I'll live."

"But they poisoned you."

"Yes and I did too. Remember how I tried to kill myself?"

"Some type of killer right?"

"Ant killer. I'll just be sick for awhile. Okay Der?"

Derek clung onto Stiles desperately and continued to sob. Stiles sighed and spoke to the pack, "Will you guys go? Derek and I need to be alone for a bit." Then Stiles lead  
Derek upstairs and up to their room.

"It's okay Derek. I'm fine," Stiles tried to sooth his mate, but nothing could calm him. Stiles held onto the wolf as Derek let everything go. After a few hours, Derek’s sobs  
eventually slowed down and he nuzzled deeper into Stiles’s chest.

“I can’t handle the idea of losing you.”

“I know babe. I’m not going anywhere,” Stiles said. The two sat in silence for a bit before Stiles blanched and ripped himself out of Derek’s grip and ran to the bathroom. 

Derek ran after him and rubbed Stiles’s back as he threw up. “It’ll be okay. You’ll feel better when it’s all up.”

Stiles leaned up against Derek and let him clean him up. Derek picked him up and carried him back to bed and tucked him in. He kissed his forehead and laid down beside  
him, “Get some sleep. I’ll be here when you wake up. I love you.”

Stiles murmured softly, “I love you too.”

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know what you think. :)


End file.
